The only true currency in this bankrupt world... is what you share with someone else when you're uncool.

So I'm sure if you're a good music junkie, and I hope that in fact you are, you should be competently knowledgable about the "groupie". You know the cutely named "Band Aids" from the only decent acting job Kate Hudson has ever had. Those girls (and guys) who devote themselves to their favourite bands, willing to do anything to be in their presence. They are the ones you roll your eyes at when you're standing line to get into the venue. Deep down however I know you truly want to experience their life, even if for just one brief beer-soaked, vodka and redbull filled moment

Unlike the glamourized portrayal given by Hudson and Paquin a la Almost Famous, groupies are generally insipid little freaks who have nothing else meaningful in which to occupy their time. These are the people who rather than have an actual life outside the music scene, obsess daily about their next music encounter


Here is part one my surefire way to be a competent groupie*

1) Be a girl. Having a Vagoo comes in handy, I won't lie to you. Unless you're an effeminate guy groupie for a predominately homosexual band, or bi-band, you'll have more hurdles to cross to make your way into the inner sanctum of the backdoor crowd. So if you're of the XY persuasion and want to carve out your place in groupie history, book your gender re-assignment counselling now!!!

2) Start young, and I mean young. If you are blessed with parents who are into the current music scene and are not complete and utter morons (yes Virginia, such parents do exist), then milk it for all it is worth. If my parents had been into modern music, I may not be the well-rounded musical individual I am today. Nor would I be happily STI free!!! Still, to have been a groupie for the Rolling Stones .... but I digress.


3) If you're going to be one of THOSE groupies, either learn to worship the world of BC, or you better expect to be popping out a child from some roadie you did to get backstage. If you have moral or religious issues regarding this, you will make a bad groupie, and probably go to Hell if you believe in such things. So become a blasphemous whore, and swallow that damned pill!!!! Now all I need is Planned Parenting to sponsor this site.

4) Strategically placed Sharpies, so at a moment's notice your tits can be signed. You're not a groupie, or band slut without having your tits signed. Those are what stories to your grandkids are made of. Trust me, that one day signature may in fact be the most important moment of your life. Screw the wedding day, the first born, the day you climb Mount Everest, having your cans signed by some band that noone will remember in ten years... kinda priceless.


That's all for now. More to come when I finish being a good student... or so I tell myself. Megadeth and Black Sabbath concert review and pictures to follow!!




* Not backed by lifetime guarantee

Listening To: One Hit Wonderful!
Reading: Lolita